im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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