office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
