I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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