If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
