I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
