she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
