then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
