she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
