Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
