I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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