You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
