well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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