sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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