Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
