Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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