ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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