He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
