Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
