i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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