I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
