I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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