I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
