My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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