You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
