I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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