What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
