Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
