You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
