That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
