i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
