When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
