she woke up with a sticky ear
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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