It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
