these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
