Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
