ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
