you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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