we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
