But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
