kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
