I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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