just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
