my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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