I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
