You can't special order awesome
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
