this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
