It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
