Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
