I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
