so explain again why im purple
no
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
